Finding my "peeps"

I'd like to be a free spirit but many days, I feel more like a free-range chicken. I come across as pretty average but if you look closely in amongst the "blah", you'll often see me sporting an exuberant hat, an interesting necklace or a funky pair of shoes. I think it's the free spirit part of me trying to make itself known in some small way.

I volunteered Thursday and Friday at Kingston Writersfest, the first annual literary extravaganza filled with writers from all over Canada and haven't been able to sleep well since. I have breathed up the air from all those free spirits and I seem to be exhaling it during my dreams.

I learned about the axes of writing from Susan Olding's inspiring master class on memoir and have been waking in the night with ideas scrambling in my head, trying to put the learning into action (I would, however, appreciate it if my brain would refrain from trying to do so at 3:00 in the morning). I also confirmed that the reason I feel so exhilerated and anxious all at the same time about writing stems from something many writers seem to share --a need to find meaning in life's events. Oh sure, it sounds simple, but sharing that meaning through words can be really scary. For example, Lorna Crozier's candid description of the day her mother found out--in church incidentally!--that Lorna had written an article in which the first line read, "My father was a drunk" made me feel as if I'd swallowed a burning stick. Lorna had written the truth, thinking "Oh, who's gonna read this anyway?" but someone did and that someone read it to Lorna's mother before Lorna had taken the opportunity to prepare her.

Even if your words don't come back to haunt you, to choose writing as a career is wonderful and at the same time, as scary to me as swimming off the precipice of a waterfall. Now, at 40, I am wading more fully into the water and even though it's a kind of "arm" off my main career identity, it still feels unsettling. Contemplating career change is often like that but thanks to Susan, Lorna and other participants at Kingston Writersfest, I also enjoyed the lovely sensation of being among kindred spirits.

I am trying to hold on to those "career courage" moments. The exuberant hats, funky necklaces and interesting shoes I saw all around me this weekend helped.

Careers are a 20th-century invention and I don't want one

What does "career" mean to you?

Many people differentiate between the words "career" and "job". Why is that? Is it because a career is seen as something intentional, rather than something you do to pay the rent? Does calling something your "career" imply a more serious relationship -- or a connection to some deeper part of who you are or what your life is about?

Alexander Supertramp (aka Christopher McCandless) had this to say about careers: "careers are a 20th-century invention and I don't want one". At least, that's what he said in the movie Into the Wild which chronicles his journey towards a so-called "life of truth" after he graduated from university. It seemed, from his story, that he wanted his life to be about freedom, adventure, and living his own happiness and not about societal constructs like money, possessions, and security.

Maybe it's because I work as a career counsellor, but I don't define "career" with the same limited connotations that he did. In fact, I actually think that despite his eschewing of all things predictable for a university graduate, he did have a career. He worked (cue the scenes where he foraged for food, drove a combine, worked at Burger King). He built relationships (with border guards, with hippies, with harvesters). He developed new skills and went outside his comfort zone (he learned how to recognize edible plants and overcame his fear of water). He did all that in pursuit of a goal that was extremely meaningful to him. I believe those are just some of the hallmarks of a career.

Of course, "career", although it might conjure up those images for some, doesn't have to mean a pension plan and a navy blue suit. And while he is an extreme example, I think that Alexander/Christopher made an admirable and conscious effort to build a life that was uniquely tailored to fit him. I don't agree with everything he did but I can't help but be awed by the resolute determination he found to do what he loved.

Maybe, for you, career is not about burning your cash, donating your savings and heading out alone into the Alaskan wilderness. But spend some time pondering the question: what does "career" mean to you?

Serena Williams, Kanye West and Joe Williams Don't Deserve to Represent Career "Passion"

Watching the news today was disappointing. There was Serena Williams' expletive-laced tirade at a ref during the U.S. Open and Kanye West's interruption of Taylor Swift's acceptance speech at the VMA awards (he actually managed to humiliate two women in the space of 10 seconds). Even the U.S. President wasn't immune to someone's misplaced opinions as Joe Wilson shouted "You lie!" during Obama's health care speech.

Don' t get me wrong. I agree that democracy means expressing and hearing dissenting opinions. But there's a time and a place and as these cases illustrate, it seems that many people have lost their ability to exercise their freedom of expression without being just plain rude.

What bugs me the most about today's news though, is that all these people expressed some level of (sincere or insincere - you decide) remorse afterwards for their behavior and attributed it, at least in part, to their "passion" for their game/music/politics. O....kay.

Hey, I'm in the business of career happiness and I'm always thrilled to hear that there are people out there who are so excited about their work. But is career passion really the reason these people behaved as bullies?

I don't think so. Happy people don't feel the need to take others down in humiliating and embarrassing ways. So all you celebs, athletes and politicians out there: please stop using career "passion" as an excuse for inappropriate and rude behaviour.

You give yourself and--more importantly, from my perspective--career happiness, a bad name.

Butter and Book Deals

Last week I saw the movie, Julie and Julia. If you're not familiar, it follows the journeys of two women at life and career crossroads. One woman is as-yet un-published cookbook author Julia Child and the other is office worker Julie Powell who cooks her way through Julia Child's cookbook over the course of a year, blogs about it, scores a book (and obviously movie,) deal of which I admit, I am just a teensy bit jealous, and presumably, lives happily ever after.

The geeky career counsellor in me found the movie compelling and inspirational. I took away two lessons from these women.

Lesson 1: Doing what you love takes courage...and butter doesn't hurt either

I know. It's not revolutionary but bears repeating over and over, several times daily. So there was Julia Child, complete with pearls and seemingly unflappable spirit, feeling somewhat at loose ends living in France with her diplomat husband. She loved the whole Paris life thing, but eventually wanted a bit more substance to her daily existence and asked her husband what she should do to keep busy. Her husband asked her, "Well, what do you like to do?" to which she responded with gusto, "I like to eat!"

Such a simple statement and yet, how hard to actually trust that this could actually lead to a satisfying and indeed, lucrative career. How often do we convince ourselves that something we love to do is too ridiculous to be a "real" career? I'm not denying that Julia Child had the benefit of a financially and emotionally supportive spouse (always helpful when you're striking off in a scary new career direction) but even when our ducks are in a row, I still think we often hesitate to go down the road with only what we love to do as our guide. It seems somehow as decadent as all that butter Julia used in her recipes. It takes incredible courage to pursue a career dream especially when it's based on a wispy little statement like, "I like to eat" and just because you dream it doesn't mean you get it right away (Julia certainly didn't). But Julia Child's fearlessness and work ethic in persistently pursuing what she loved and working hard to gain the skills to back it up, is something to aspire to. Even in the face of obstacles and at an age where many of us are tempted to throw up our hands and decide "it's too late for me", she persevered. Bon Appetit, Julia!

Lesson 2: Fussing ain't helping and you can't win if you don't buy a ticket.

Enter Julie Powell. While perhaps not as colourful as her French Chef mentor (and perhaps this was the point), I know that many women can connect with the story of a woman who was feeling the all-too-common career sensation of "is this all there is?" at the age of 30 (or 40 or 50). After some understandable grumbling and whining about the state of her life, she decided to take some action. And that's the cool part. It's easy to get stuck in the grumbling, whining stage and never...actually...ACT. But she did. Even better, she quite wisely picked something to do that she enjoyed doing, without strategizing about "where it could lead". She simply came up with a project that combined two things she loved: cooking and writing. In the process, she found that achieving her goal of cooking all 500+ recipes in Julia Child's cookbook in 365 days, was even more difficult than she imagined. She had to work really hard at times to succeed and she had to have discipline and keep at it even when she was really discouraged, tired, and dreading attempting new things. All the while she had absolutely no inkling that she might get a book deal or start a new career or anything so swish. She was simply working hard at something and lest you overlook what an accomplishment that was, think about the last time you worked hard at some new direction for your career every single day for a year in the hopes that it might, but certainly wasn't guaranteed, to lead to something good. Uh hunh.

Bad things happened along the way. And good things too. But I think the biggest career lesson from her story isn't that she got a book deal and moved to a bigger house in Queen's. I think it's that she experienced the joys, frustrations, panic, exhileration---sensation of action when she was feeling career frustrated. Even if it hadn't opened up the fabulous new career opportunities for her in the end, I still think the action served her well because it revitalized her, gave her a renewed sense of purpose and hope. And who couldn't use a little more of that?

Julie and Julia. Butter and book deals. What will you do today to find your own Bon Appetit?

Take one VW Beetle and call me in the morning

I had a bad day at work today. I had a headache between my eyes by 9:30 am and by 2:30 pm it was throbbing and making things look slightly wiggly around the edges. Not that I minded. Wiggly seemed more appealing than reality today.

We are in the full throws of our annual pre-September panic as we try to ready things for when the students arrive back on campus in a couple of weeks. Many of us were grumpy again today, which is never pleasant, but not all that unusual in many workplaces unfortunately. However, given what we do for a living -- that is, inspire people to go after their career dreams -- it feels disingenuous and surreal to be advising people about career happiness while simultaneously wandering around muttering under our breath and compulsively checking our lottery tickets.

Everyone has bad days of course, even people who are doing work they generally like. Still, when I left the office today, I could feel the cloud of the day hanging over me. I felt gloomy and despite the ibuprofen I'd ingested every four hours all day long, my head was still pounding.

Cue my ride home. A few years ago, my husband persuaded me to buy a totally unecessary, self-indulgent and possibly environmentally irresponsible 1973 Volkswagen Beetle. It's at the top of a list of cars I've wanted my whole life and although I hadn't had my driver's license for 15 years due to a fainting problem, I was finally healthy and able to drive again. Even though it's been six years since we bought that car and I drive it nearly every day from April to October, it still works its magic.

I don't know if the soothing comes from the distinctive burble of the VW engine or the cheery yellow colour or the way people spontaneously smile when we drive by. I notice that no matter what my mood, within minutes of starting the car, my heart feels as if it's going to burst out of my chest and I don't know whether to laugh or cry (and I frequently do both). Mostly, I find myself grinning like an idiot with the sheer joy of the experience. Maybe it's the years without the driver's license and the thrill of independence that never gets old for me or maybe I'm just easily entertained. I just know that seriously, my cheeks hurt because I'm grinning so much! I no longer come busting in the door at home ranting about the latest tax hike, world injustice or inconsiderate driver. As corny as it sounds, when I get in that car, the bad stuff about the world seems to melt away and my only option seems to be happiness. My "Daizybug" is some of the best medicine for whatever ails me.

We all have bad days - in work and in life. Do you have a place, activity, or person to be with where giddy joy is abundant? Spending some time there can do wonders to help you rejuvenate so you have energy to appreciate your progress and keep acting on your dreams.

Wishing you your very own "Daizybug".

Do You Look Career Desperate?

You know the saying in dating that advises, “Once you stop looking for a great guy, he’ll land in your lap”? Well, the same may be true for finding your true love career. Sure, preparation is important. Knowing yourself and thinking specifically about what you’re going after are key steps that will help you increase your chances of making a great career match. But I would be misleading you if I didn’t admit that there’s also some timing and serendipity involved.

Do you look desperate? You know how when you WANT to meet someone, you can’t seem to get a second glance, but then as soon as you’re off the market, you suddenly appear to be the most desirable woman in the world? That same cosmic mess-with-your-head principle may apply to career dating as well. Somehow, employers and contacts sense the beseeching plea that seems to emanate from your every pore (and you thought it was just the Love’s Baby Soft you’ve worn since you were 12). No matter how calm and composed you think you’re being, if your body language is saying, “HELP me…I hate my job and I want one like yours”, you may find yourself having great meetings with people that never seem to go to a second date. Your desperation is making them feel trapped, nervous and possibly even that you have ulterior motives.

Whether it’s tantric hot yoga or retail therapy that calms you down, find a way to tap into your inner Zen…or you will end up alone with your internet favourites permanently stuck on monster.com. And I wouldn’t wish that on you. You seem like such a lovely woman.

Christine Fader is a career counsellor and author of "Career Cupid: Your Guide to Landing and Loving Your Dream Job". Visit her at www.careercupid.com

That Job Stinks. Or Does It?

The end to the recent garbage strike in Toronto got me thinking about the limitations of a university degree. Take a whiff of a city with no garbage pick up for 6 weeks and the value of waste disposal professionals is pretty clear. Everyone - including those with those oh-so-necessary-nowadays university degrees - suffered due to the lack of bodies coming to clear away that which we have consumed, ripped open and thrown out. Yep, it's a valuable service these people provide and a career worth respecting because without people doing that good work, we would be in a real mess.

And yet, how many of us would encourage a person who aspired to that career? It's interesting that we don't have the same sarcastic or negative reaction when someone tells us they want to be a doctor. Yet, that aspiring doctor could end up being a gastroenterologist - the garbage collector of that field. Sure, there's a pay difference but those city garbage collectors have a much better union than doctors and they also make a good living. They don't work nearly the same hours per week as a gastroenterologist and I'm guessing that they probably don't have the same high rate of suicide as doctors do. And if the last 6 weeks showed the people of Toronto and the rest of us anything, it should have highlighted the incredible value that municipal trash collectors have in our world.

Yet when it comes to career respect, we treat that job, and by extension, the people who do it, as less than. Oh sure, it's fine for someone else's kid/sister/father to do that job but we have a sort of "NIMBY" mentality towards career choice. Yes, we need garbage collectors but there's no way my kid/sister/father is going to do a job like that.

Why do we do that? I work at a university (admittedly, a skewed sample) and see this type of career hierarchy in play every day. Prestige is often a big part of why students choose the work they do, especially when they have continuously been told that university is the "top" of the academic food chain. Yet is it really? Isn't university just one of many education and training options available? No better or worse than other options - just different? Still, I see parents and students every week who choose against a job or education program they want because it's perceived to be beneath a "smart person".

What would happen if the college goers, apprentices and people who earn an honest living by asking, "do you want fries with that?" were acknowledged as just as needed and respected just as highly as (and by) those who came out of university? Career and education choice could be about differences, instead of "better than" and "less than".

I'm not just spouting Pollyanna optimism and equality here. As we continually tell our current and future generations of children that university is the only "smart people's" option, we not only diminish the immense value of the training and contributions the rest of the workforce makes, we are ending up with a world where fewer and fewer people will actually take a job taking out the garbage. Jobs where college, apprenticeship or experience is the path to get there are so de-valued, they are seen as the failing choice, instead of something to which someone could aspire. Soon, and it's already happening in some places, we will live in a world where everyone is too "qualified" to pick up the garbage.

And that, to me, is a world that stinks. Literally.