Finding my "peeps"

I'd like to be a free spirit but many days, I feel more like a free-range chicken. I come across as pretty average but if you look closely in amongst the "blah", you'll often see me sporting an exuberant hat, an interesting necklace or a funky pair of shoes. I think it's the free spirit part of me trying to make itself known in some small way.

I volunteered Thursday and Friday at Kingston Writersfest, the first annual literary extravaganza filled with writers from all over Canada and haven't been able to sleep well since. I have breathed up the air from all those free spirits and I seem to be exhaling it during my dreams.

I learned about the axes of writing from Susan Olding's inspiring master class on memoir and have been waking in the night with ideas scrambling in my head, trying to put the learning into action (I would, however, appreciate it if my brain would refrain from trying to do so at 3:00 in the morning). I also confirmed that the reason I feel so exhilerated and anxious all at the same time about writing stems from something many writers seem to share --a need to find meaning in life's events. Oh sure, it sounds simple, but sharing that meaning through words can be really scary. For example, Lorna Crozier's candid description of the day her mother found out--in church incidentally!--that Lorna had written an article in which the first line read, "My father was a drunk" made me feel as if I'd swallowed a burning stick. Lorna had written the truth, thinking "Oh, who's gonna read this anyway?" but someone did and that someone read it to Lorna's mother before Lorna had taken the opportunity to prepare her.

Even if your words don't come back to haunt you, to choose writing as a career is wonderful and at the same time, as scary to me as swimming off the precipice of a waterfall. Now, at 40, I am wading more fully into the water and even though it's a kind of "arm" off my main career identity, it still feels unsettling. Contemplating career change is often like that but thanks to Susan, Lorna and other participants at Kingston Writersfest, I also enjoyed the lovely sensation of being among kindred spirits.

I am trying to hold on to those "career courage" moments. The exuberant hats, funky necklaces and interesting shoes I saw all around me this weekend helped.