Is Career Happiness a Right?

This might seem like a crazy question to ask when I have written a book all about finding your dream job.

If you believe that when you're 24 or even 29 that you deserve a dream job (especially if you did all the so-called "right" things), you're probably feeling a bit disillusioned. You might be angry or mystified about why your dream job is not happening NOW please and thank you. You're working hard, so what gives??


In my book, I use the analogy that finding a dream career is a lot like the process of finding a dream relationship. So perhaps you have anticipated my question: did you find true love with your first date or your second or your third? Likely--and probably thankfully in most cases--not.


Just like in romance, most of us have to date some jobs with bad taste in music and tacky cars and annoying habits before we find one we want to spend some serious time with. But I would encourage you to stop thinking of this career "dating" that you're doing as a "waste of time" or not a "real" career (even if your parents keep asking you what you're doing with your life -- after all they weren't so keen on all those first dates you brought home at first either, but they were shaping up to be "real" romances weren't they?)


You may be unhappy sometimes. A late 20s friend of mine tells the disillusioned new grads she knows, "Oh, you're unhappy at work? This is just the workplace 'crushing your spirit'." She feels it is a natural part of the evolution into work. But is it? Or is it a result of our new expectations that if we do X or Y, we all deserve to do great work pretty quickly out of the gate?


May I be so bold as to ask: what have you done to deserve "more than this?" What can you actually DO that is of value to an employer? Finding great work is not all about what you want and deserve and the potentially frustrating part is this...sometimes getting something of value to offer takes time. There's just no getting around it. Just like in romance, you might be smiling your face off, wearing kicky new boots, holding your diploma high, sending out great vibes, full of the latest scintillating conversation tidbits and positioning yourself in the produce aisle in case a single person happens to saunter by and working harder at it than anyone else around...and it still might not get you what you want.


We're an impatient lot nowadays. We want our stuff, our happiness, our perfect life NOW. But just like finding a great relationship, finding a great career takes patience, lots of positive action on your part (and a little serendipity) and sometimes facing the fact that there will indeed be some jobs you will wish you hadn't slept with on the first date. But don't write them off. They can be key ingredients in your very own path to a great career.


All those bad dates and not-so-sexy jobs? They help you weed out the riff-raff and gain experience. They help you know yourself better and help you narrow down what you are really looking for (or not looking for). Most of us don't start out knowing. And even if we do, what we know and want at 24 has likely changed substantially by 34 and likely changed substantially again by 45 and likely changed again by...well, you get the idea. We are evolving constantly and so too, our career aspirations. Those so-called "bad date" jobs are actually really helpful to you.


Be clear about what you're looking for 'cos no one else will figure it out for you (cue the unwieldy hair cut you let your hairstylist talk you into). Take charge of your career by doing your part. Keep dating and put up with a bit of waiting. Value ALL your work (even if it's not your favourite) because it is all truly working for you.

The truth is, there may always be some bad dates in your career. As you evolve and compromise around your life events, you may need to give yourself a pep talk, not just in your 20s but in your 30s and 40s and 50s. Perfect work may not exist for everyone. Perfect for you at this time is a much more attainable and satisfying goal.


Finding a dream career is usually a process, not a destination that you can get to on an express train. And just like trains and dream relationships, dream careers tend to arrive faster when you stop obsessing about why they aren't here yet. Instead, take action on the things you can control -- have a party on the platform, count the number of subway tiles on the walls, pick up the local lingo, offer bystanders your skills and smile but be prepared to also embrace a little waiting.

You'll be ready when your train comes in.